Wintersong

Christmas gets you thinking, even me who tries to break the stereotypes surrounding me. This Christmas will be a little different for me as compared to every Christmas past. Even so, as I helped my mum decorate the house and our tree, memories hit me left and right. I’ve tried to dodge them, but unfortunately a song came on that I had to put on repeat which paralyzed my sidestepping.

I decided to decorate my personal tree tonight as well and the barrage took full force. One of the first things on my tree was a Christmas card from a friend from high school of her two daughters, her husband, and herself – her own family. I can’t even contemplate that for myself yet.

I took a few ornaments that I received from family and put them up, one of which is an American flag star which I hid in the back so that I didn’t have to look at it [insert mischievous smile here].

One of my oldest ornaments is from my dear friend since fifth grade. It’s a dove carved from olive wood from Israel. I get to see this dear friend of mine again when she visits from New Orleans soon. I love that we have kept our friendship through the distance of different teachers, to different schools, to different states, and next to different countries. What’s next? The moon? Bring it on!

No tree is complete without at least one candy cane. A current friend and co-worker of mine was so gracious as to include one on my gift. Our friendship is budding and I hope that it continues. When I went back to the cardboard box to fish out another ornament and came across a card from last year from my best friend. I will always love that girl to death – she’s seen me in my worst times and stayed next to me all the way.

That next ornament that I pulled out was a picture frame with a picture of my boyfriend from high school and me. I still put it up on my tree every year and remember him. I remember when we broke up; the Christmas decorations in Starbucks were still up at the beginning of January. I said that I wanted to remain friends (not “let’s just be friends”). We have – even past high school and through our changing lives.

“But sleep won’t set me free. I lie awake and try to recall how your body felt beside me.” The words of the song sent my mind to the more recent ex-boyfriend and that precise memory. I am thankful for my time spent with him though it is past now and we’ve both moved on. He is a man that I still respect above many others and we are in the process of staying friends.

And so it hurts to remember the friend I lost. She wrote me a Christmas card last year as well. When I read it, I’m angry and tearful at the same time for the words she apparently said in vain. For all of the work that I put into saving the friendships of so many others, how can someone “give up trying to be your friend” and directly hurt you?

---

Leave a comment...

p.s. and if you have not read my piece beneath, could you please?